wavelength

I am pissed off.
My sleep schedule, or lack there of, is so out of sync with regularity that it’s nearly impossible to commit to anything that requires a steady attendance or focus.
I tell myself that today, I will stay awake and reset my sleep schedule. Today, I’ll suffer through 48 hours of being awake and refuse to nap. Today I’ll get back on track.
well, today never. happens.

I have this nasty habit of creating non-existant excuses or just ignoring myself altogether and functioning on some sub-level wave of existence that involves little to no food, a weak social life, sleeping for 12-15 hours a day or not sleeping at all, force-feeding myself pills, and possibly developing some sort of agoraphobia.

fuck my life.

I want so badly to get myself back together.
What needs to happen?
I need to regulate my sleep schedule
I need to get back on my medication- for real.
I need to start eating right. or just start eating for that matter.
I need to keep organized.
I need to keep writing.
I need to be social.

Check these off one by one and soon it’ll fall back together.

I really want to stop falling apart.

~ by auralay on July 5, 2008.